Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Drinking and a little hot tub action

This week's Bachelor Pad set feminism back seventy years with a challenge called "Hot Sludge Fun Day" in which our bikini-clad lady contestants swam through a sea of ice cream, rolled around in hot fudge and covered themselves with nuts. For reals.
Why did they consent to participate in such a ridiculous display? Because they were drunk. They are always drunk.

Ed, who has lost every challenge every week, said about losing this week,"This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me." He forgot about the previous two lost challenges that were also the worst things that ever happened to him because he was drunk.

Chris, the most annoying man on television said of Dave, "Dave is completely clueless when it comes to girls, obviously." Chris doesn't deal well with jealousy. Because he's drunk. Also really annoying.

"I've never been on a date with three girls at the same time."  Said Dave, who I actually don't think was drunk. Just confused. Granted, my dating experience is limited, but a man on a date with three women at a fake high school prom isn't normal, right?

"I could say I've had luck at the prom before,"  Said Dave. You could say that, but I feel like you would be lying. Or drunk.

Chris, the most annoying drunk man on television said, "I feel like the neighbors might call the cops on us." The Bachelor mansion has neighbors? They haven't all run for the hills already? If they have stuck around I'm sure they've grown accustomed to what a very drunk Sarah called, "drinking and a little hot tub action."

On her three to one prom date with Dave, Jamie, who was probably drunk, pulled the no-fail rose getting maneuver during her one on one time. She talked about her family and cried. This has never not worked for rose-seekers. She's a smart drunk.

Tony, who didn't seem drunk but had to be because his shirt was the worst color pink I've ever seen, said "I believe that I deserve the rose because I'm playing for my son." Tony is playing Hot Sludge Fun Day for his son.

I stopped paying attention after this because two hours is too long to pay attention to these people.

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