Wednesday, August 29, 2012

But what about Kendall?

By Jen Gulbrandsen

Dance Moms is my crack.  It gives me the opportunity to sit in my bed and double fist gummy bears and cheetos while watching all of the shenanigans go down.  But sometimes when I’m eating all of that food, I feel such sadness for these poor little girls.

Who is looking out for them?  Don’t you sometimes feel like someone needs to call child protective services on these people?  Did Abby Lee ever actually dance… ever?

So far this season we’ve seen injuries (Paige and Brooke), studio hopping (Jill, and then Jill, and then Jill again), and multiple opportunities for the moms to have all out brawls.  The fights are getting worse, and as pathetic and terrible as it sounds, they’re becoming even more entertaining.  But again, we go back to these poor little girls.  The thing that’s the most disturbing is how much the Maddie Favoritism aspect is played up.  My guess is it’s the producers egging it on, but it’s unfortunate how these teammates are put into such uncomfortable positions 

Tonight we have a solo from Chloe, a bizarre group number, and an acrobatic duo from Mackenzie and…dun dun dun… Kendall.  It’s not until Abby hears that Cathy and the Candy Apples will be at the competition that she tries to get Maddie to do a solo, but Melissa finally recognizes that her child is Abby’s favorite, and she doesn’t want to give her fellow moms more chances to point it out (although let’s face it – Melissa’s story is the juiciest, and I’d give anything to see it more fully), so no solo time for Maddie.

Chloe dances to something that I’m fairly certain isn’t the real music (they can only buy so many music rights, correct?), and she uses a lantern that makes very little sense, and she does a few fouettes, and she remains my favorite.  They pit her against that little ginger boy who does a lot of acrobatic work and tilts, and who could probably benefit from ballet technique classes.

My reaction to the group number: WHY ARE THEY WEARING BONNETS?! 

Poor Chloe takes second by a tenth of a point to ginger – but honey, this is going to be life.  Boys are always placed higher in dance (and yes, this is one of the only times I’ll agree with Abby).

The bonnets win first place, Candy Apples take third, and Abby is ticked that Chloe got beat.  And again I am afraid for the little ones.  The Apple boys take second to the Abby girls, there’s a massive fight, and we can only hope that someone tells these moms that they aren’t wearing the right dress sizes.

Jen emphasized in English at Brigham Young University. She currently freelances as a ghost writer and works as a personal stylist to feed her addiction to all things pretty. Her TV preferences range from The Vampire Diaries to Arrested Development and she lives in a fantasy world where Stars Hollow still exists. See more at

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