Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The Bachelorette Week 10: Fantasy Bittersweets

This just got real.

Des starts the Antigue episode by proclaiming that Drew's smile lights up a room, Chris is hot and athletic, but Brooks has her heart, so pack it up everyone, the fat lady's singing.

So it's difficult not to feel bad for Drew when he smothers Des with prolonged kisses and "I love yous" and talk of the rest of their life. It's difficult not to think really judgmental thoughts about Des when she agrees to Forgo Her Individual Room And Spend The Night Together As A Couple In The Fantasy Suite, because, you know, she's made it very clear that this guy doesn't have a chance.

"OK, you guys can leave now"

Des dresses as Jenny from Forest Gump to meet Chris. 

Forest would run from this.

Chris  asks Des how she feels about moving to Seattle and she completely sidesteps the question. Sp Chris pulls out the big guns and recites his worst poem to date:

It's exciting to see just how far this journey has taken us
From places I never knew existed, to places I've longed to see
All experiences you and I have shared together
And now here we are one week after you met my family
One week from the possibility of forever
I'm not nervous, I'm excited
It's hard to deny the connection we've made
The chemistry,  real compatibility, permanent friendship.
Piecing together this journey with new memories. 
Open to what is to come to us in the future
and excited to spend our lives together forever.

 Either it works or Des will Forgo Her Individual Room And Spend The Night Together As A Couple In The Fantasy Suite with just about anyone. Chris and Des make out in a hot tub, I guess because she wants to do as much macking as she possibly can before she has to conform to the monogamous lifestyle.

Meanwhile, Brooks pours his tortured heart out to his mom and sister. The thought of proposing to Des makes him uncomfortable, he claims. I think maybe Brooks has never seen The Bachelor/Bachelorette. If he had, he'd know that a proposal at the season's finale is nothing more than a "good job you won" prize and a few weeks worth of fame before both parties split the cost of the Neil Lane diamond and go their separate ways. Chris Harrison seems to agree with me because he pulls this face during his entire conversation with Brooks:

Is this a joke?

Resolved that Des is not the love of his life, Brooks solemnly leaves to find Des. Des greets him wearing this:

Someone in the wardrobe department really hates her.

Which probably makes the dumping a little easier for Brooks. Dump her he does, and the two spend what feels like three hours doing this:

"Why?!," she asks over and over.

The cynical blogger in me says "Well played, brooks." Having established himself as totally ready for commitment and just looking for the right person, he's returning to Utah, the land of extremely beautiful women, looking single, wounded,  and ready for some tender loving. Well played, right?
But then part of me thinks that maybe he is taking this seriously and just trying to do right by Desiree. The latter option makes for oddly compelling television, which brings us to option 3/c: the producers staged the entire thing because the season up until this point has been like watching paint dry after taking an ambien after staying awake for 57 hours. Way to spice things up, guys. It totally worked because I can't wait to watch more men cry next week. See you then. 

1 comment:

  1. Is it weird that I want to watch the breakup scene again? Best half hour of TV in a long time.