Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Bachelorette Week 6: Cuss Cuss Cuss

First of all, thanks to a helpful comment on last week's post, we now know Brooks is the mormon. Though you wouldn't believe how many people ended up here after googling "Is Drew the Mormon?". He's just got that look I guess.

Anyway. Des made the biggest mistake of her life when she sent home Juan Pablo.

I'm not sure the show is even worth watching now that he's gone. His farewell to America was actually really touching and sad. He spoke of wanting to find a wife and stepmother for his daughter. Someone to share birthdays and Christmas with. And then through tears, he said it's really hard to date as a father. Dude's gonna get some fan mail. 

It probably wasn't a mistake to send home James, though. You know. James. The guy who is going to take tall, beautiful women on boats. A good hour and a half of the episode was dedicated to this alleged conversation wherein James forcasted his likelihood of becoming the next Bachelor. I'd be willing to be a substantial sum of money that every single one of these Des-wooers has dreamed similar dreams. But only James dared vocalize such radical dreams. So of course, Drew tattles. Only after making out with Des in an alley and getting the rose. Timing is everything.

So. Then. The group date. The activity portion of the day was a soccer game that I didn't really pay attention to. But the evening held more tattling, this time from #Kacey. Or is it #Kasey? Followed by the men confronting James and the editors bleeping most of what James said in response. Then, of course Des and James have a talk and blah blah blah SO BORING. Really long story short, Des lets James return to the house, there's another confrontation with the men and James swears some more, and finally Des sends him home at the rose ceremony. Can you guess who was at the center of Team Anti James? Did you guess Michael? You're so smart. That guy loves pots and spoons and stirring real hard. I'm also still convinced he's gay. Even more convinced. And yet Des sent home Juan Pablo, arguably the most heterosexual man alive.

Also #Kas(c?)ey. I guess ballet on  the side of a building does not true love make. 

As for the one on one dates, Drew and Des kissed. A lot. Zack and Des painted a portrait of a nude male model. Both men got a rose.

And as for the other remaining men:
Des wrote Chris this poem:

From the first night
one knee on the ground. 
Looking so handsome
Instant attraction was found.
At the dodgeball game
It was apparent, no shame.
On top of that roof overlooking that view,
That was the moment that I knew sparks grew. 
Dancing in the streets, the moments of bliss
Solidified my feelings in every single kiss. 
As the clock ticks, timing never late,
for the connection to form with each and every date.
And the rose to one day grant us our fate.
I look forward to the unknown
Appreciate the emotion you have shown
And hopeful to see if in your heart I have found a home. 

So I think it's safe to say Chris has a pretty good chance of taking this thing, so long as he's okay with having to nod and smile at ghastly poetry for all of eternity.

We didn't see much of Brooks this week. He was probably reading the Book of Mormon in his room.

And Michael. They shot this season before last week's Supreme Court ruling. He didn't know he had other marital options in California. (Did that cross a line?)

Honestly, bu episode's end I was really to call it quits on the  show. BUT THEN...the previews for what's still to come. Is Des going to give up? What does Drew say? Why are all the men crying? Is there any chance that for the first time ever an episode will actually deliver what a teaser promises? Fine. FINE. I'll tune in to find out. I bet you will too. 


  1. Juan Pabloooooooo! He was also the only one who wasn't all "hahaha girls suck at sports" before the game, and at that point I was like "uh, we can all go home now, right? This guy's got this" but, I was so wrong. At this point I'm thinking Des is trying to tank this season.

    ALSO how great was that conversation between James and one of the Hardy Boys about how he thinks James shouldn't acknowledge reality? Or something to that effect? So creepy and crazy! It was like they were in a cult and James was being shunned for not believing that Des would descend in a rose shaped spaceship to whisk them away to neon-ultra-heaven.

  2. Seriously, Michael over Juan Pablo? Michael over anyone? I would even keep her terrible poem over Michael.

  3. Also I love how nothing James ever said to her even made sense yet she still had a hard time getting rid of him. Remember when he told you he cheated on his girlfriend??

  4. Did i just imagine this, or did they bleep out brooks dropping the f-bomb? Mormon, what?

  5. Agreed. Juan Pablo was the best man there. Love your comments about Michael's marriage prospects growing due to the Supreme Court ruling.

  6. Michael's continued presence as an eligible bachelor-- for, you know, a woman-- is probably the most disturbing thing on the franchise since Vienna's wandering eye.

    On the other hand, Michael is probably a hero among gay men for successfully infiltrating a nation where no gay man has gone before...Bachelortopia. Pretty significant when you consider that the Bachelor's demographic is almost exclusively straight women, gay men, and the occasional wupped husband.