Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Bachelorette Week 3: Part 2: More game off the court

Part 2 of the Dramatic, 2-Part Bachelorette event, was so dramatic and so eventful that I fell asleep more than once while trying to get through it. Thus the posting delay. Forgive me.

Andi makes her way to Connecticut with thirteen suitors in tow. 

Rub a dub dub, 13 dudes in a tub, and who do you think they be? A Pantsaprenuer, and farmer a real trouble maker, silly silly boys on TV.

"To Andi!," they toast with imaginary glasses

Dylan receives the first date card.

Try and look a little excited, bro.

It reads, "Our love is picking up steam." 


No. Train ride.

The most excited anyone has ever been for a rail road journey.

Listen. I've been on my fair share of train rides, and I can testify that the novelty wears off sooner than one might think it would. Like, by the time they hit the bottom of those morning cocktails(?!), they're going to be super bored.

A toast to getting sloshed at 7 am

Yep. Within minutes, they're sitting in silence. But it's not just repetitive scenery that's giving Dylan a case of the date doldrums. He's holding on to the story of his past, losing two siblings to drugs.

"It's something that I don't really tell anybody," Dylan tells a broadcast network camera and millions of viewers.

Andi can sense something is not right and puts on her thinking face.

At the hotel, the men emerge from their communal bubble bath to read the group date card.

After a wardrobe change, Andi and Dylan get back on the train for a meal. 

The food no one touches looks like Eggs Benedict and scalloped potatoes. Fools.

Eventually Dylan spills his guts. Andi cries. Dylan is rosed.

The next day, Andi and WNBA stars murder the boys in a basketball game.

To keep the men from actually getting killed, the women agree to excuse themselves from the court and let the BCHLRS play each other.

Things really heat up on the court:

Sorry. They're just making it too easy.

Ultimately, team Five of Hearts loses

and team Rosebuds wins.

The solemn losers return to the hotel room and Josh punches a hole in the wall. Probably.

The Rosebuds are awarded with extra after-party time with Andi. Brian, a basketball coach and the day's star, makes a shot from half-court. Andi reacts like this:

"Stop!" She says, finally.

So even though she spends a good deal of, um, quality time with Nick,

Nothing screams class like making out by the slot machines

Brian gets the coveted rose.

The next day is what Andi calls, "Leap of Faith Day." The season's mandatory Fear Factor segment, where Bachelor/Bachelorette forces some poor sucker to prove their love by leaping from the Empire State Building or bungee jumping over a water hole inhabited by piranhas. This time it's repelling down a 30-story building on an abnormally windy day.

Marcus has no problem jumping off and kicking out. Andi, however, has a bit of a meltdown. Meanwhile, someone to the right of the lovers is repelling WITH A FREAKING CAMERA. 

And someone below them. Which is why we get to stare at their derrières for too long. 

Andi eventually gets it together and slowly repels down. And of course kisses Marcus while dangling mid-air because it's a contractual obligation. Probably.

The metaphor for love? "He literally got me off that ledge." It's not as bad as is could be, I guess. 

That night the couple toasts to doing stupid things,

and do not eat their hamburgers.

Marcus gets a rose and a kiss,

and a special performance by whoever this guy is.

They dance. They kiss. Marcus and Andi, not Marcus and random country dude, not that that would be abnormal for this season so far.

The next day, Andi receives a hotel-employeed delivered love letter.

And while she reads it, I kid you not, editors cut to this:

Nice touch.

Andi skins a crocodile and robs the crown jewels to put together her evening outfit:

and snogs Brian, who says he really regrets not kissing her earlier.

Then things get weird.

Earlier in the week, Andi and Eric had a conversation wherein Andi said she felt like Eric was holding back. Oh, also in that conversation Eric mentions that he left the Mormon church when he was 26. Previously I insinuated he was still Mormon. My bad.

Anyway, now Eric tells Andi that actually he believes she is the one holding back. He wants to see the real her. Not a TV actress.

Andi doesn't take this well. In fact she kind of explodes. She says that she's trying so hard and that she's incredibly exhausted.

She concludes that there's no way this is going to work, and tells Eric it's time to say goodbye. It feels like a bit of an overreaction, so much so, that I wonder if Eric's remarks hit a nerve.

I'm sure the producers had a difficult time deciding what to do with this footage. As Chris Harrison later explains, this is Eric's final scene on the show. Soon after, Eric passed away in a tragic accident. I wonder, if Eric were still with us today, if this would have been cut differently to make Eric look like more of a villain. As it is, the whole thing reads like some massive misunderstanding, and Andi comes off as, well, I hate to do this to another woman, but she seems a little pre-menstrual. We've all been there during that time. One innocent remark from a boyfriend or spouse and minutes later you're holding a knife and screaming about the injustice of  it all. 

Anyway, the final shot of Eric is him standing on the curb, waiting for a cab.

Andi addresses the remaining men. She says if anyone thinks she is not taking this seriously, they are welcome to leave. She claims this is very real to her, and she is very exhausted. I get that she's tired. I'm sure it is a lot of work and energy to do what she does. However, I have little sympathy for a women who is traveling the world, wearing new evening gowns every week, and constantly being told how wonderful and beautiful she is. Call me jealous, if you must.

Instead of a rose ceremony, the episode ends with a special message from Chris Harrison.

He sits with Andi and they talk about Eric. It's not something that I could or should make fun of, so I won't.

I will say that Andi seems genuinely upset by losing Eric, and never having the chance to talk things out. 

So. There's that.

1 comment:

  1. Five of hearts scored two points in the second half, two!