Mouth to mouth on public transportation? Yeah, I’d call that rock bottom

By Jen Gulbrandsen

It’s the end of Gossip Girl, a thought I can hardly stand.  The show is, without question, my favorite guilty pleasure.  The clothing and the characters and the clear nonsense of the entire thing.  And Chuck.  Always Chuck.

Before we move forward with these recaps, there’s something important you must know.  I am a Chair shipper.  I love Chuck and I love Blair and I love them together and the only ending for this show that I will accept is a Chuck and Blair wedding.  If you’re Team Blair and Dan, or Team Dan and Anyone other than Death for that matter, I doubt we’ll exactly agree on reactions to episodes.

Now then.  Last season ended with complete character assassination for each and every single person, with none so great as Serena giving herself to some gross dude for drugs on the MetroNorth train, assumedly bound for New Haven and more gross dudes.  The most shocking shark jump was the reveal that Bart Bass has actually been alive this entire time, only returning to screw over his dear, darling son.  This led to a Monte Carlo gambling trip for Chuck, and ended with a tryst in the bedroom with his surprise guest, Blair.

Like I said – best guilty pleasure ever.

This premiere episode was weak, and disjointed, and had to rely on cheap stunts to move forward, but let’s face it, we’re not watching for good television.  We’re watching to see if Nate will whore it up again (and after next week’s promo, it looks like you won’t be let down at all).  Or maybe to see if Ivy ever gets voice therapy to fix her raspy, smoker tone.  I’m watching to see Chuck and Blair live happily ever after.  Odds are high that no one is watching for Barry Watson.  And that Ivy/Rufus happening?  Unfortunately none of can un-see that one. 

This final season holds an element of anticipation as we wait for the reveal of Gossip Girl.  I have my theories.  I think we know who she is.  There are even days that I think she might actually be Dan.  But until he shaves his stray neck hairs and gets a good haircut, I can’t pay him any more mention.

Finally, let’s talk about a certain little glittery rock that rests on a long chain around Blair’s neck.  Don’t fail me Gossip Girl writers!  Give me what I want!  It’s the least you can do for making me sit through years of bad puns and implausible plot development.

Thankfully we’ll always have Georgina’s zingers to save what little is left of this series.

Jen emphasized in English at Brigham Young University. She currently freelances as a ghost writer and works as a personal stylist to feed her addiction to all things pretty. Her TV preferences range from The Vampire Diaries to Arrested Development and she lives in a fantasy world where Stars Hollow still exists. See more at jengulbrandsen.blogspot.com.