Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Bachelor Pad, or Why I Hate Humanity

Do you think these guys would like my tankini?

Let's start with some key quotes  from last night's Bachelor Pad premiere.

Chris (Emily's season) on being sent home from The Bachelorette: "Definitely the worst heartbreak I've ever experienced.". Yeah, you lost a game show. Maybe past Jeopardy contestants have formed a support group you could join?

Ed (Julian's season)  on his breakup with Julian: "I'm not an angel. Some of the stories that came out in the tabloids were that I had girlfriends and that there was infidelity. There was definitely some truth to what was in the tabloids." What a keeper.

Jaclyn (Ben's season) on fellow competitor Blakely: "She thinks that her and I are besties, but really, we're frenemies. I actually have a college education. I'm clearly going further than her." And here you are on Bachelor Pad! Your future is so bright.

Kalon (Emily's season) on his notoriety: "The way the world works now is you're a villain if you speak you're mind. It's wonderful to be me. Everybody loves the bad guy." He actually makes a solid point. TV would be snoozetown without guys like Kalon.

I forgot who said this: "I'm going on the Bachelor Pad to find true love." Bless their heart.

One of the two twins on their first night in the mansion: "I feel like I'm in Disneyland. I feel like I'm a robot." Indeed.

"I'm Chris Harrison." -Chris Harrison

In the grand Bachelor tradition of having at least two people with the same name competeing, there are two men named Chris, not including our beloved host, in the mansion.And speaking of the mansion? When's the last time that place had a good deep cleaning? At the rate these shows are produced, there can't possiblly be time to disinfect the place. I hope they're all wearing flip-flops in the shower.

No comments:

Post a Comment