The Bachelorette Week 6: Have you ever fart in the public?

A viking ship full of boys in pastel shorts sails into Venice, 

to meet the Queen of Love in her appropriately decor-ed gondola. 

She had to have borrowed that ride from an escort service, right?

The only dude who hasn't been on a one-on-one with Andi is Cody, so when Andi announces that there is no date card and the next date starts immediately, Cody all but waves goodbye to the group and reaches for Andi's hand. But....twist...Andi is actually taking Nick on her first Italian date.

Nick is pleased.

Cody is not.

The other men do not like Nick because Andi does. At the hotel they gossip and speculate and wonder if maybe Andi will send Nick home because of the drama from last week, drama which seemed completely fabricated and necessary only to stretch the show for two hours.

Nick and Andi do romantic Venice-y things like hold hands on a bridge,

I want that coat, like, yesterday

contract Avian Flu,

and clog their friends' Instagram feeds with selfies. 

#hats #luv #hott #followback

The group date card arrives back at the hotel. Cody's name is absent, meaning, yes, Cody, you finally get that one-on-one. Cody's muscles explode in excitement.

Nick and Andi make their gondola guy wish he had gone into a different profession.

Then prepare for dinner. Andi goes for an understated look

and understated location.

They talk, they resolve their completely made-up issues, and Andi roses Nick.

Then makes him wear a mask because when in Venice, invent your own venetian customs and enforce them on your lover. 

The next day Andi receives another note from her secret admirer. 

The editors employ this cinematic technique again because this show isn't stupid enough as is:

For the group date, Andi takes her men in waiting to a torture chamber

and introduces two guys who have definitely murdered and hid multiple bodies for the Italian mafia. 

Andi calls them, "Two of Italy's finest experts in administering and delivering Lie Detector Tests."

Super scary guy says something in Italian, and slightly less scary guy translates, "We are here to make with you a lie detector test."

This. THIS. This is what television should be. I would watch one hundred hours of Joe Pesci's evil cousin administering lie detector tests to single dudes.

The questions include "Are you here for the right reasons?", "Do you think you could fall in love with Andi?" and "Do you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom?", to which Dylan answered NO?! No surprise that after the test he doesn't feel well and has to return to the hotel room. One can only walk around with poop on their hands for so long before coming down with hepatitis or dysentery.  Gross.

When asked, "Are you Andi's secret admirer?", Chris answers "yes." Chris becomes concerned that Andi will see this confession on the test results.

But luckily for Chris, Andi destroys the results. Andi, you fool. You may end up with Dylan and have to deal with a series of deadly, communicable diseases the rest of your life. 

Andi and the guys toast to trust and a day completely wasted.

Brian administers his own lie detector test and asks, "Do you want to make out?" Smooth. 

Markus drops the L word.

And Josh accuses Andi of not trusting him.

This upsets Andi, but it's hard to take her seriously when she's wearing the necklace she picked up at Joe's Surf Shack during spring break in seventh grade. 

Chris reveals his secret admiring identity.

Which turns out to be a smart move when he is rewarded with a rose.

JJ pouts and says, "I'm getting a little sick of everybody congratulating everyone else on getting roses and advancing." JJ is then burned at the stake.

For their date, Andi takes Cody to Verona. The two play Romeo and Juliette. Shakespeare moans in agony from the depths of his grave.

Then they visit the Juliette Club, an organization that receives and responds to letters about troubles in love. 

Cody is so inspired after spending the day responding to these letters that he writes his own epistle to Andi. 

In essence it says, "I can't wait for you to meet my mom and for us to get married and have lots of babies." His enthusiasm is a bit much.

Andi eventually has to cut him off mid-declaration of undying devotion to tell him she's just not feeling it. 

Week 6 is the best week because it always means the return of the limo-cam. Cody spends his ride to the airport crying and lamenting the love lost. 

Before the rose ceremony, Chris Harrison shows up. What does Chris Harrison do all week? Does he sit at Italian cafes and sip red wine? Does he go out clubbing every night? Or is he hard at work on set, asking Andi and whatever boy she may be with if they can do that scene over again? We may never know. 

Chris and Andi have a heart to heart. Andi's had a bit of a rough week. She's doubting the process. It's going to be a tough rose ceremony. Usual week 6 stuff.

Look at that table full of boys. Six of them practice proper bathroom hygiene. One of them does not. Had she read those lie detector results, this would not be a tough call.

A quick aside: Some of Andi's dresses are complete misses. But this dress was a real hit. 

Andi presents roses to all but JJ,

who spends his ride to the airport lamenting love lost. 

I hope during this toast no one touches hands with Dylan.

See you next week.

The Bachelorette Week 2: It's for charity

This week started with a meeting of the Cult of Bros, led by the Grand Chief, The Bro of All Bros, Chris Harrison. 

Are they sipping absinthe? 

Mr. Harrison announces the forthcoming three dates. One group date and two one-on-one dates.

It's perplexing math for some:

Then Chrissy mic drops and presents the first date card which reads:

Eric is enthused.

The gang bids the lovebirds farewell and half of them take off their shirts for absolutely no apparent reason.

The left side of this photo must be significantly colder than the right. 

Eric and Andi drive to the beach and do beachy things. 

Just when things are seeming too nice and normal, Andi slyly says to the camera, "He has no idea what's about to happen," which is just what they all say right before a helicopter shows up.

Chris Harrison has the entire chopper industry on retainer

Eric and Andi try and act like they aren't the thousandth Bachelor Couple to sit in those same seats while admiring the pollution-lined Los Angeles skyline.

"Eric is an adventurous guy and this is an adventurous date," Andi says as they land atop a snow-covered mountain. 

They do snowy things for a while.

Direct hit to Eric's chest

And then, wait, what's this? A ramp? A halfpipe? A professional snowboard instructor? What are the chances? The same chances as seeing a helicopter at least seven more times this season.

Under that helmet is Louie Vito, who, according to Wikipedia, is an "American professional snowboarder, Olympian, and Winter X Games and U.S. Grand Prix Champion."

Louie wastes his time and talent trying to teach a complete novice how to slide down a mountain before giving up and wishing Eric luck.

                

"It's going to be a very curse-filled date," Andi says to her Mormon man. 

Then Andi pulls out a thermos,

and the pair pose for a JC Penny catalog.

Later, at what looks like a soap opera set, Eric tells Andi about the time he spent in Syria, and a shockingly relevant and interesting conversation ensues.

Neither party touches their delicious-looking meal.

Come on, guys. Some cow had to die for this plate.

Eric gets a rose because let's face it, Eric is pretty great.

Back at the mansion the group date card arrives and reads:

The men get pumped when they realize the difference between "bear" and "bare". 

"I will bare anything for Andi," says Cody.

But it won't just be for Andi, Codester. It's for the other dudes AND a live audience. 

The Men of Hollywood dancers, AKA the professionals whose work is about to be disgraced.

The striptease these guys are about to put on, or take off as it were, is for charity, guys. Because as we well know, it's fine to do anything, even take off all your clothes, so long as proceeds go to charity. 

"Today we're going to expose you gentlemen...to the world of male exotic dancing," jokes this guy who looks like the sidekick to a Bond Villian. 

"We gotta sample the goods," says Andi while watching these poor guys try their hardest to impress.

Though not everyone is hating it. "Maybe I've practiced moves in the mirror, once or twice,"  says Tasos.

Maybe there are some things you shouldn't share on television

Magic Cody", as he's started to calling himself, kisses both swollen biceps, says they're for charity, then lifts up his shirt and says, "This is for Andi." What a treat. Earlier, Cody declared, I've been working hard on my body, so it will be nice to show that off for Andi today." 

How much creatine powder is too much creatine powder?

The men prepare for the big performance.

Then it's show time.

It's worth noting that Craig continually mentions his fondness for Josh. "Josh is a stud. He's kind of the full package. He is incredible," Craig says. Some tricky editing has this narration over Josh stripping, and I, for one, make all kinds of assumptions. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

There are some stand out performances:

Josh the Cowboy

Nick the Robot

After the robot malfunctions

An actual fireman pretending to be a fake fireman

Army Men. Look at Tasos' face. He's loving this.

The Aviator. 

The crowd can't get enough:

But the network censors can, so it's cut to the date's evening portion in some random mansion.

Craig has had a bit too much of the seemingly endless supply of alcohol on set and continues to gush about Josh.

"Josh is a stud, dude, like I love Josh's face so much." 

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Back at the dude ranch....hahahahaha....get it? The next date card arrives.

Chris is mildly enthused.

Craig pours himself another shot 

And makes the ill-advised decision to go for a swim. 

I hope that watch isn't worth much.

Andi finds the whole drunken episode to be very distressing

but quickly gets over it and awards Marcus the rose.

The next morning it's off to the races.

Complete with retro clothing and mint juleps.

The couple next to Andi and Chris in the VIP box can clearly see an entire camera crew but pretend not to and ask how long the two youngsters have been together. I wonder how much the producers paid them.

That night Andi and Chris have a serious talk over dinner they don't eat.

Andi's serious take face:

Chris's serious talk face:

You know what they say. Bring up your damaged past, get a rose fast.

"I have one more little surprise," Andi says and the faintest hint of guitar becomes increasingly audible as she leads Chris to a stage where a band you've never heard of tries desperately to get America to buy their single on iTunes. 

They call themselves This Wild Life

It sounds like Dashboard Confessional meets that band you were in for a month in high school. But that doesn't kill the mood for Andi and Chris who share the first kiss of the season.

And the second. And third.

Finally, the Pre-Rose Ceremony Cocktail Party wherein Marquel wears a rad tie:

Andi and Josh make out in the shadows

Nobody tell Craig

And Chris tries to redeem himself for his drunkardness with zero guitar or vocal skills.

A for effort, buddy

Then it's another meeting of the Cult of Bros, this time led by Madam Andi, The Giver of Roses.

Imagine the cologne wafting from that semi-circle

Three men are left standing without roses.

Firefighter Carl, who now must face his fellow firemen after making a mockery of their uniform.

Nick S., who is probably regretting his shirt choice.

And Craig, who says his poor choices will haunt him forever but probably will land him a spot on Bachelor Pad.

"Cheers to next week!," toasts Andi.

See you then.