Revenge is a Dish Best Served Serialized

By Jen Gulbrandsen

In this edition of Who is Nate Sleeping With Tonight, we see some old faces that we didn’t miss (Nelly Yuki) and some we did (Dorota!).  Chuck’s suits are pretty glorious this evening, and Serena manages to make her ratty ponytail look even worse than usual, and that Marc by Marc dress Blair wears in the final scene is truly glorious.  In terms of actual plot, we have three things happening: Blair is trying to be the head of the Waldorf Fashion Haus, Chuck is trying to bring down his not-dead father, and everyone else is trying to find relevancy. 

Nate continues to search for it in the bedroom.  Dan is the woman scorned trying to publish the ultimate tell-all, which is good for me to see so I can be talked out of doing the same thing.  Serena’s entrance into high society has basically come of sleeping her way there.  There’s not a lot in this world I can trust, but Serena’s consistency is always appreciated.

I don’t know why I even bother to watch this anymore considering I saw the ultimate spoiler photo posted on the Internet today, but when Georgina opens her mouth I’m reminded that there is actually some wit in that writer’s room.  As funny as all of those one-liners may be, I am still caught up on one minor, miniscule detail: why did none of these kids finish college?  Did Chuck even apply to college?  I can’t even remember where Blair ended up.  And how could Nate abandon the Columbia lacrosse team? 

It pains me to say this, because she is my Queen and I love her (when she’s not being written horribly, as she is right now), but how is Blair even remotely qualified to run a large design house?  Are we even sure Nate knows how to spell?  I know the Upper East Side (UES) is awfully strange as it is, but I mean, one can only suspend disbelief for so long.

Serena dating an old dude from Seventh Heaven with a seventeen-year-old daughter who goes to Constance isn’t difficult to believe though.  I’m fairly certain she’s the character the writers throw all of their crazy ideas onto.  I can just see them in the room laughing at their computers, saying, “ha – I wonder if anyone will notice if we do this to her!”  Drugs?  Alcohol?  Sex tape?  Rehab?  Murder?  Serena!  It’s no wonder I can’t stand her – she’s the ultimate soap opera caricature. 

Did I mention that Nate’s sleepover buddy is the aforementioned seventeen-year-old girl?

“It’s legal; I checked,” says she.

Gosh, I just love you Gossip Girl.

Jen emphasized in English at Brigham Young University. She currently freelances as a ghost writer and works as a personal stylist to feed her addiction to all things pretty. Her TV preferences range from The Vampire Diaries to Arrested Development and she lives in a fantasy world where Stars Hollow still exists. See more at jengulbrandsen.blogspot.com.