Tuesday, March 5, 2013

So that's what Honey Boo Boo's future looks like


But first, a quick recap of last week, when I, your trusted Bach recapper totally failed you.
Sean and the ladies traveled to Thai Land. They made out. A lot. They all agreed to forego their individual rooms and spend the night with Sean, the Born Again Virgin (I don't think that's an actual thing), in the Fantasy Suite. The girls made Sean some pretty shameless videos declaring their love and devotion. AshLee's was the most shameless and also kind of terrifying, and also she wore a dress to the rose ceremony that made  me think she had enhancement surgery a few hours prior.  Sean sent her home, she gave him the silent treatment, blah blah blah. Feel caught up? Good.

So. Last night. The women, all with slightly different hair than we saw during the season, some  better (Robin) some worse (Des), gathered partly to talk about their experiences with each other and with Sean, but mostly to slam Tierra. If there's one thing that can really bring a group of women together, it's hatred for another women. And the hatred was in  large supply. Tierra showed up looking very victimy, with huge doe eyes, an apprehensive frown, and very little makeup. "Give me, vulnerable," I bet she said to her stylist.

Just like every Bachelor Villan ever, Tierra denied any wrong doing, explained that she really does sparkle because she was Little Miss Nevada as a child,  and showed off an engagement ring the size of Kentucky. As some one said on twitter, let's hope the fiance is a paramedic. But let's be honest. There is no fiance. Just like there was no fall down the stairs and there was no hypothermia.

Sarah took a turn in the hot seat, which is weird since she didn't even make it to home towns. But the producers weren't about to pass up an opportunity to have her talk about her missing arm, so there she sat.

Des said she wished things had gone differently, but she was nice and gracious and all around super boring. Moving on.

AshLee.  Oh, AshLee. Look. We all want to say things after a break up. If you are like me, regrettably,  you have said things after a break up. You tell the dumper all the reasons they are a terrible human being, count all the lies they told. and try your best to prove you are so much better off without them. Unfortunately for AshLee, her first post-break up with the dumper happened to be on  national television. When she asked WHY SEAN WHY?! YOU TOLD ME YOU DON'T LOVE THOSE WOMEN, WHY?!, I'm sure she was thinking, See, America, this guy is the worst,  but really, we, America, were thinking, He's just not that into you. 

The program ended with a two minute tribute to a producer's dog who passed away. In that two minutes I felt more love and sympathy for that canine than I've felt for any human being involved in this entire season of The Bachelor.

Next week, THE FINALE. Who do you think the letter is from? Catherine? Emily Maynard? Arie?


  1. My money is on the letter being from his Mom making one last plea to not propose to either of them. :) Can't wait to watch the finale!

  2. Ugh that dog tribute! I kept telling myself "That dog ran a ponzi scheme; that dog's favorite Beatle is Pete Best; that dog coined the phrase YOLO" to try not to get emotionally involved but it did not work and I was a mess.

    And Christine is probably right, but I kind of hope the letter is from Catherine saying she's running far, far away from this trainwreck-to-be.