Monday, December 3, 2012

Now and Again: the UES Edition

By Jen Gulbrandsen

The writers of Gossip Girl have failed us so badly, I almost feel like sending you only the initial thoughts I type while watching the show…just so you know how it truly feels to sit through something incomplete and incoherent and incapable.

Instead of a recap (because I honestly don’t even know how to properly explain to you what went down without constantly typing, “but then we find out that ACTUALLY…”), I’m going to go through each character. I’m going to give them to you at their best, and also where they are now. Lest you think I’m being completely lazy, it fits the theme of the episode, where it seems that everyone has found a way to return to high school in one way or another.

First up: Queen B.
Then – Empress of the Steps. Sartorial Hit. Beloved and Feared by all.
Now – This is painful for me to say, but she’s become a mess. And not even a hot one. She allows for everyone to rule her life, rather than rule everyone else. This is NOT OKAY.

Chuck Bass
Then – A childish snot with lots of money and really great ascot ties. Wears a lot of purple.
Now – He’s potentially the most dedicated of all the original Upper East Siders. Sure he still schemes and plays all of the games they play, particularly with regard to bringing down his jerk of a father, but he’s actually… a good guy? Still wears a lot of purple, thank goodness.

Nathan Archibald
Then – The boy you want to marry. Sleeps around a little more often than I’d like. Plays a lot of lacrosse.
Now – The boy you want to marry. Sleeps around a little more often than I’d like. No more lacrosse.

Then – Someone we cared about, fighting for recognition. Had a good grasp of general hygiene.
Now – Has recognition and pretends to like everyone in order to maintain that recognition. Desperately needs a hair intervention.

Serena van Der Whorsen is actually the most consistent of the group. Still bouncing from man to man, still wearing great clothing (yes, even I can admit that), still unable to locate a hairbrush.

I leave you now, hoping and praying for Little J to come back from wherever she is to remind everyone who they are. Because this is getting pathetic.

Jen emphasized in English at Brigham Young University. She currently freelances as a ghost writer and works as a personal stylist to feed her addiction to all things pretty. Her TV preferences range from The Vampire Diaries to Arrested Development and she lives in a fantasy world where Stars Hollow still exists. See more at

No comments:

Post a Comment